Dying

there’s a lot of reason why people are dying, cancer that needs theraphy and hunger that needs food…

And me, I don’t know why but really i’m dying inside. 

ALONE

I really don’t know what alone meaning is until today…

Yeah I’m not alone, physically attached to relatives right now. When you talk about being alone literally, I’ll say I’m not alone..

But If you ask who feels alone, i’ll raise both of my hands with feet if can.

I feel alone, I just wanted to be loved, treassured. But no one makes me feel that even my own parents doesn’t, I feel that mom isn’t leaving me because of her obligation of being my mother but Aside from that, nothing. You know that instinct of a person, because it’s the right thing to do. That’s what I feel, what mom is really doing with me.

I wish to be gone… and damn this pain will just go away….

March 30,2015

3:00 AM

this is the time when bad thoughts strikes in 

So I thought of the bad things that will happen, happened and happening 

happened, I used to have the “fighting spirit” they say but just because I didn’t reached someone’s standards well who’s basically my family in general they judged me, they never listened to me. They just know that im the kid who’s always on the edge of trouble

Happening, I feel unwanted. They just give me this treatment that says “hey kiddo your’e not supposed to be here.” What hurts me the most about this is my auntie, which I love and the one that I can call “my second mom” she’s been with me since forever, but things changed. She always have this face that says “I don’t like you” whenever i’m facing her, it sucks because it hurts. BIG TIME. 

Happening, I wished I’m dead. And that’s not so me, I always says to my suicidal friends, yeah i have!  I once said to them lol I mean, always when they’re depressed, “your life is not really yours, so you don’t have the right to end it.” “Death isn’t an escape” “Death isn’t the best way to escape problems, fucking face them. Don’t let it face you, because if you do then you screw. Everything around you, everyone will be affected, don’t be such a pain in the ass” 

But…. now I understand them, I just want to be gone…